Am I A Bad Person?

Today’s Bible Reading- 2 Chronicles Chapters 32-33 & John Chapter 18 Verses 25-40.

Good morning, my friends. I’m awake, coffee in hand, and I hope you’re doing well.

I need to take a picture of the cucumber plants and show y’all just how big they’re getting. I’m going to have to add more trellis stakes. The zucchini plant is pretty happy, too. I’m starting to see small buds on that one.

Today’s weather is supposed to be 84 degrees with a 60% chance of rain this afternoon. We had a couple of rain showers late yesterday . I think the humidity became so heavy, the air just couldn’t hold any more. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case today.

Now to address the title of this post. I’m having an inner struggle. My sister is currently delivering her sixth child. She’s had some complications. Shoot, she had complications with all her kids. She was heavily encouraged to stop having kids after her second child was born, but she doesn’t listen very well. Anyways. I’m fine with being an aunt, but every time my sister has another kid, it’s another reminder that I’m single and childless. The only thing I ever truly wanted to be was a wife and a mom. To see my sister married with six kids, it’s like someone took a hammer and just crushed me. Her first couple of kids I was fine. The older I get, though, the more hopeless I am that I’ll ever get to marry and have kids. I don’t want six kids. At this point, I’ll take one. It’s just depressing me terribly. I’m going to try and love this new little one. It’s not her fault that life has handed me some lemons. I need your help praying that I won’t hold this against her. I hate to even say that. I shouldn’t feel that way, but for some reason, this one just pulled the rug out from me.

Yesterday, I didn’t even want to hear about the whole ordeal. Mom’s all excited over a new grandkid, and I’m over here mourning the fact that I’m single, and it seems I’ll remain that way. A few years ago, my sister pretty much told me I’d be an old maid and should become a nanny so I’d get some “mothering experience”.

It’s just a lot to deal with today. I don’t want to deal with it, but I know I have to. Prayers are greatly appreciated, my friends.

Love you all and until next time, stay safe my friends.❤️

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